Hello Subjects,
Cannot believe we forgot to tell you about Betty's bling that we saw at The Tower. First off is Betty's best hat- it's called the Edward VII Coronation Crown and as such is only worn for serious grown up occasions. Her second best hat with lords lovely sparkly things on it is more her shopping hat which she wears on more regular occasions - you know, investitures, opening Parliament and the like - much like we all do really ! It's called the Imperial State Crown - as it weighs around 2 kilos I don't imagine she wears it while hoovering the palace much.
She has this long stick thing called a cypher - it has a nice shiny stone in it at the top and it's a paltry 53 carats. It was cut from a diamond of some 300 carats - I think she probably feels short changed - anyway it's blinding all the same and would be a fabulous pointer to use in a classroom. Lots of other little blingy things for everyday wear - sort of a Target range of bling for garden parties, mid week mass and the like.... But still likely to cost more than all our houses put together!
Next day having seen her accessories, we decided we needed to poke about her house to get a real sense of the woman to really understand our supreme leader of Australia. Nothing says more about a person than what sort of house they keep. And boy, could I keep this house.
We started off in the Queens Gallery to see what sort of pictures the royals are a fan of. Works from various brush fielders show a penchant for rural landscapes and farm scenes with the odd portrait of a long dead and relatively un-handsome relation hung here and there.
Next off into the mews- where they keep the coaches, the rollers (natch) and the horsies. This was fantastic. Their cars and some coaches have a colour unique to the Windsors called Royal Claret - that car that ferried the newest daughter in law to the church was there and its way cool. Not a mark on it . Cinderella's pumpkin coach has nothing on the royal coaches - they are magical with a Glass Coach (bridal state), the Irish Coach, a Scottish Coach and a gold number that would blow you mind which is the Coronation Coach. By the way did you know that we paid $350,000 for an Orstraylian Coach for Bett's Silver Jubilee. It has state of the art suspension so their royal rears don't get too tender, it has automatic windows and wait for it, it has it's own hidden generator onboard so that it can heat or cool the carriage. Can't have the poor loves catching their death.
Next stop was the state rooms. Turns out that a former king ( who became George IV) when he was Prince of Wales and then Prince Regent, so titled because he was given the gig to act on behalf of his old man who had gone a tad mad, was a Francophiles and collected all the bibs and bobs that furnish theses rooms. They are colour coded blue room, white room, red room etc wherein the furnishings match the porcelain he had collected - natch. This is where all the official stuff of the palace occurs. Lovely beautiful elegant junk fills all the spaces and priceless rich fabrics cover the furnishings and window treatments. This George guy makes Versace look loke Fletcher Jones in comparison . The windows open onto the
Garden and the day were there they were all open and it was fresh and quite lovely really. The Q and her husband live on one of the side wings in nice tweedy rooms in lovely autumnal tones - none of this brash guilding and ostentatious fabrics for them. The front view of the palace that we mainly see is actually all offices but the whole place has 286 bedrooms and 78 bathrooms which must play havoc with Betty's hands cleaning all those baths and showers.
Finally into the garden we strolled for some strawberries and clotted cream and finally some pictures. You aren't allowed to take pis inside which disappointed Siobhan no end. I think she was hoping to use the colour schemes and fabric choices to give Palace Gooch Upon Thornbury a bot of a facelift.
You are dismissed.
Baroness Kelly & Duchess Siobhan
rooms and this is where
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